I Don't Know Why

I don’t know why I was chosen to teach, heal, and be on display to others. I am a very shy person! What do I even know. Halfway through life and I feel like I’ve just woken up, just started living intentionally, while everything up until now was an autopilot of conditioned responses. Maybe that is what I’m supposed to share, that I have awakened and you can too. It’s not always easy, but it feels good to start to have clarity about who I am and what I know. It feels good to have desires! Real, true desires that align with your soul’s purpose, rather than absorbing goals set forth by society like going to school, getting married, just to say you did it, or because that's why everyone else is doing.

I always tell a story about a fence. I always thought I wanted a fenced-in yard until I had to paint the damn thing! Maybe it’s ok that we don’t know what will really make us happy. Maybe the floundering around to find out what we actually want is what life really is. We think it’s this polished story we put up on a shelf, leather bound with gold letters that read MY LIFE. But it’s actually a coffee-stained manilla folder with ratty, torn up edges and a bunch of out-of-order loose papers and photos spilling out of it.